Speaking to people, or not speaking to people, for some reason, is all a question of your communication style. It is also a matter of knowing your approach.
If you know the real you, you can build the necessary bridges for more effective communication, interaction and/or interface. If not, how — you may well ask. Wait a moment.
One way of achieving better personal, behavioural, and communication skills is Neuro-Linguistic Programming [NLP].
NLP is a scientifically proven, alternative method of ‘ordering’ your thoughts, attitudes, feelings, behaviour and, most importantly, language. It is just as much as responding effectively to other people, as much as understanding and respecting their views, opinions, and needs. Its goal is focused — to give individuals a host of choices in their range of response.
Experts believe that NLP teaching is based on a logical premise. That the unconscious mind, as is related to in Jungian psychology, is far more powerful than the conscious mind, and that all of us already have, within us, the resources to achieve excellence.
The ‘neuro’ part of NLP refers to the concept that all behaviour results in sensory stimuli — sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch, and feeling. This explains why NLP provides us the facility to get in touch with the senses, and be able to ‘read’ thought processes in others through eye movements, subtle changes in breathing and skin tone, besides our preferred choice of language.
What’s more, NLP also includes changing internal conflicts, negative thoughts, and behaviour patterns, for more positive states. ‘Linguistic,’ of course, reflects how we all use language to formulate our thoughts — to communicate with others our opinions, emotions, and needs.
‘Programming’ explains how we organise our behaviour to produce results.
It goes without saying that what you say, or do, influences the other person. NLP, quite simply, covers an examination of the entire system of feedback, and response — both behavioural and biological — occurring in our interaction between ourselves, other human beings, and also the environment. Why? Because, all of us have internal ‘feelings,’ along with a sensory system, responsible for processing a set of characteristics, about our immediate surroundings. According to NLP, these characteristics will be unique to every individual.
Though practice makes it perfect, most of the techniques used in NLP would need professional support, or training. However, the fact remains that a few of them — and, the most important — could be mastered, subject to one’s own requirement/s, over a period of time.
This writer has found one programme most useful — Neuro-Programmer3. The Neuro-Programmer 2 [Home Edition; NP3] is an innovative software application for PC. It is made to help you achieve rapid and long-lasting personal change. NP3 stimulates brainwaves while using NLP, hypnosis and psychological techniques, to help you transform your mind and enhance your mental abilities. Put simply, it is an easy-to-use ‘tool-kit’ to change, and transform, yourself — in the best manner possible.
NLP IN ACTION
Most experts contend that NLP behaviour is not just external, observable behaviour, like walking, but also activity in any sphere — from eye movement to hearing, or internal visualisation.
Example: you’ve just moved out of the way of a high-speed truck, seconds before it might have mowed you down. In such an event, you’d probably experience the symptoms of mild clinical shock. When you recount the story, after a while, similar symptoms may recur, because your mind triggers a physical reaction. However, the way you react to imagined or remembered events can be altered, from a negative to a positive experience, through NLP. That you did not get hurt, or injured, is a positive outcome. Inference: all you need to do is dwell on all the things that went wrong, but didn’t — and, allow what NLP experts refer to as the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy syndrome’ [negative image/s] to come and go out of action. You will feel better and confident, again.
However this maybe, you’d, perhaps, also wait for the same bad things to happen another time too. Not that they won’t happen. But, if only you replace ‘bad’ memories, with positive feelings/patterns, the self-fulfilling prophecy will work for — instead of against — you. The outcome will, thereafter, be all the things you wanted them to be.
EACH OF US IS UNIQUE
NLP is a complex theory based on the fact that each of us is unique, yet composed of similar physiological, biological, emotional, and spiritual, parts which are intrinsically linked to one another. In actual terms, it captures, as it were, the language aspect, style, the use of unspecified nouns, verbs, comparisons, judgments, generalisations, presuppositions, cause and effect, not to speak of our intuitive ability to ‘read’ a person — to the extent possible.
All you’d need to do is apply certain pointers, as cited elsewhere — to ‘anchor’ a positive feeling, such as confidence, by mentally ‘living’ your desired state, for better outcomes. One simple way to do this is to use your touch. Just press your finger and thumb together, where the feeling is most intense — to fire the ‘anchor.’
The feeling of self-belief will recur — and, with good results.
A ‘THERAPY’ LIKE NO OTHER
NLP is not based on the theory of personality or behaviour, unlike other forms of psychotherapy, but on a set of therapeutic tools. It was founded by two American academics, whose main area of interest was not psychology.
John Grinder, a professor of Linguistics, and Richard Bandler, a graduate in Information Sciences, became fascinated with the question of how it was that certain individuals could claim apparent success while working with diverse systems of therapy. This led them to study ways in which such individuals worked, and also extract successful elements from their techniques and/or ‘mould’ them into a set of therapeutic models. For this, they drew upon the ground swell of their research from various fields — family therapy, hypnotherapy, anthropology etc., — and, supplemented them with their own expertise in linguistics and communication.
The impressive body of research the duo built for NLP has a number of different components — each with its related curative techniques. It seeks to explore the deeper meaning and significance of words people use. For instance, if a person describes something as ‘mostly,’ NLP therapists see if it takes a different form when challenged — whether it really means ‘mostly,’ or ‘most of the time,’ or ‘sometimes.’ This will help them to make the subject aware of wider possibilities.
In like manner, the subject’s neurological components are also dealt with a view to represent one’s physical, or internal, experiences from both visual and verbal parameters. This is not all. NLP also relates to body movements, posture, and eye movements — including the manner in which individuals access and process information.
It is suggested that NLP offers quick cures for a range of common forms of psychological problems, including phobias and undesirable behavioural traits. It is also not without reason that NLP has been used in the treatment of [childhood] behavioural disorders, developmental problems, learning difficulties, hyperactivity, post-traumatic stress disorder [PTSD], sleeplessness, relationship and sexual problems, including addiction, anxiety, depression, and stress.
To know more about NLP, and why it maybe best suited, or not suited, to mend a problem you think [or, know] you have, it is imperative to seek the help of a qualified NLP therapist — in your city, or town.